Gathered: Power of Proximity
Staying Out of the Monkey Cage: Finding Peace in Your Relationships
There's a fascinating story about a mentor who took his protégé to the zoo for a meeting. As they sat on a bench watching the chimpanzees, the mentor asked a simple question: "What do you see?"
"Monkeys in an enclosure," came the reply.
"Tell me more."
"Well, they're picking up their excrement and throwing it at each other."
The mentor paused, then delivered a profound piece of wisdom: "You're working with people. Make sure you don't get in the monkey cage."
We've all been there, haven't we? Caught up in drama, tension, and relational chaos that resembles nothing more than primates hurling waste at one another. If we're honest, every single one of us has been attracted to, caught up in, or drawn into drama at some point in our lives. The question isn't whether we'll encounter relational challenges—it's how we'll navigate them.
The Proximity Principle
Here's a truth we can't escape: relationships aren't optional. From the very beginning of creation, after God declared everything "good," He looked at humanity and said something different: "It's not good for man to be alone." Even in paradise, with perfect companionship among creation, human connection was essential.
This creates what we might call the proximity principle: We will be close to people in life. The question becomes whether our influence will reflect the kingdom of God or the kingdoms of this world.
The writer of Hebrews understood this when he urged believers to "consider one another in order to spur us on, stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together." Gathering isn't optional—but healthy gathering must be intentional.
As we approach the end of the year, gathering intensifies. Seventy-three percent of Americans will gather with family on Thanksgiving. Eighty-six percent will gather during the Christmas season. Office parties, friend gatherings, family reunions—the calendar fills with people, and with people come potential issues.
Learning from Abraham's Wisdom
The story of Abram (later Abraham) and his nephew Lot offers profound insights into navigating relational tension. When strife developed between their herdsmen, Abram didn't ignore it, gossip about it, or let it fester. He addressed it directly—and with remarkable grace.
"Please let there be no strife between you and me," Abram said to Lot. "Is not the whole land before you? Please, separate from me. If you take the left, then I'll go to the right. If you go to the right, then I'll take the left."
Here's what makes this extraordinary: God had given all that land to Abram. It was his by divine promise. Yet he gave Lot first choice. That's grace in action.
Lot's response reveals a different posture. He chose the well-watered plain—the premium real estate. He didn't defer to his uncle who had taken him in, protected him, and provided for him. Where Abram demonstrated grace, Lot displayed greed.
This contrast illuminates a fundamental truth: we can't navigate relationships successfully without grace. Our personality, posture, and pride can hinder us in gathered spaces where there should be peace.
Four Principles for Healthy Relationships
First, be a person of prayer. Abram was known for calling on the name of the Lord. But prayer isn't about performance or eloquent speeches before God. It's conversation—dialogue where we speak to Him and listen as He speaks to us.
Think about it: if we had access to a wealthy king, we'd use that connection. Yet we have access to the King of Kings, and often we approach relational interactions with only our own wisdom and opinions. Prayer should cover every significant relationship in our lives—spouse, children, parents, friends, extended family.
Second, discern issues early. Where there's more than one person, there will be issues. This isn't a possibility—it's a certainty. The key is addressing problems before they escalate into drama. Jesus provided clear instruction: when there's a problem, go directly to that person. Don't triangulate by involving others. Don't vent to ten people. Go with the right heart, at the right time, seeking reconciliation rather than vindication.
We often make mountains out of molehills, rehearsing conversations in our minds until minor offenses become major conflicts. Modern cars have bumpers designed to absorb five-mile-per-hour impacts without damage. We need relational bumpers too—the ability to absorb minor bumps without creating demolition derby gatherings.
Third, deny the possibility of drama. Make up your mind that you won't entertain yourself by throwing verbal waste at people you love. This requires both grace and boundaries. Sometimes it means having difficult conversations. Sometimes it means extending forgiveness for the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in us.
Fourth, make intentional choices about relationships. This involves caring for your most significant relationships through quality time, quantity of time, and frequency. It means coming back to broken relationships when possible, living peaceably as much as it depends on you. Sometimes it requires cutting off harmful relationships that consistently pull you down. And it always involves creating opportunities for meaningful connections, because we're not called to do life alone.
Moving Forward
Perhaps you're reading this while anticipating gatherings over the next several weeks with some trepidation. Maybe there's a broken relationship you don't know how to repair. Perhaps you feel isolated, bruised by past relational wounds, or trapped in a cycle of toxic interactions.
The journey toward healthy relationships starts with prayer. It starts with calling on the Lord, just as Abraham did. God can do in moments what we've been trying to accomplish for years.
You might be dealing with a distant child, a strained marriage, or a severed friendship. Maybe you've tried to fix it repeatedly without success. Don't give up. The 101st prayer might be the key when the first hundred seemed unanswered.
Gathering isn't optional, but you can learn to navigate relationships with grace, wisdom, and the peace that comes from walking closely with God. You don't have to stay in the monkey cage. There's a better way—a kingdom way—of doing relationships.
And it starts today.
There's a fascinating story about a mentor who took his protégé to the zoo for a meeting. As they sat on a bench watching the chimpanzees, the mentor asked a simple question: "What do you see?"
"Monkeys in an enclosure," came the reply.
"Tell me more."
"Well, they're picking up their excrement and throwing it at each other."
The mentor paused, then delivered a profound piece of wisdom: "You're working with people. Make sure you don't get in the monkey cage."
We've all been there, haven't we? Caught up in drama, tension, and relational chaos that resembles nothing more than primates hurling waste at one another. If we're honest, every single one of us has been attracted to, caught up in, or drawn into drama at some point in our lives. The question isn't whether we'll encounter relational challenges—it's how we'll navigate them.
The Proximity Principle
Here's a truth we can't escape: relationships aren't optional. From the very beginning of creation, after God declared everything "good," He looked at humanity and said something different: "It's not good for man to be alone." Even in paradise, with perfect companionship among creation, human connection was essential.
This creates what we might call the proximity principle: We will be close to people in life. The question becomes whether our influence will reflect the kingdom of God or the kingdoms of this world.
The writer of Hebrews understood this when he urged believers to "consider one another in order to spur us on, stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together." Gathering isn't optional—but healthy gathering must be intentional.
As we approach the end of the year, gathering intensifies. Seventy-three percent of Americans will gather with family on Thanksgiving. Eighty-six percent will gather during the Christmas season. Office parties, friend gatherings, family reunions—the calendar fills with people, and with people come potential issues.
Learning from Abraham's Wisdom
The story of Abram (later Abraham) and his nephew Lot offers profound insights into navigating relational tension. When strife developed between their herdsmen, Abram didn't ignore it, gossip about it, or let it fester. He addressed it directly—and with remarkable grace.
"Please let there be no strife between you and me," Abram said to Lot. "Is not the whole land before you? Please, separate from me. If you take the left, then I'll go to the right. If you go to the right, then I'll take the left."
Here's what makes this extraordinary: God had given all that land to Abram. It was his by divine promise. Yet he gave Lot first choice. That's grace in action.
Lot's response reveals a different posture. He chose the well-watered plain—the premium real estate. He didn't defer to his uncle who had taken him in, protected him, and provided for him. Where Abram demonstrated grace, Lot displayed greed.
This contrast illuminates a fundamental truth: we can't navigate relationships successfully without grace. Our personality, posture, and pride can hinder us in gathered spaces where there should be peace.
Four Principles for Healthy Relationships
First, be a person of prayer. Abram was known for calling on the name of the Lord. But prayer isn't about performance or eloquent speeches before God. It's conversation—dialogue where we speak to Him and listen as He speaks to us.
Think about it: if we had access to a wealthy king, we'd use that connection. Yet we have access to the King of Kings, and often we approach relational interactions with only our own wisdom and opinions. Prayer should cover every significant relationship in our lives—spouse, children, parents, friends, extended family.
Second, discern issues early. Where there's more than one person, there will be issues. This isn't a possibility—it's a certainty. The key is addressing problems before they escalate into drama. Jesus provided clear instruction: when there's a problem, go directly to that person. Don't triangulate by involving others. Don't vent to ten people. Go with the right heart, at the right time, seeking reconciliation rather than vindication.
We often make mountains out of molehills, rehearsing conversations in our minds until minor offenses become major conflicts. Modern cars have bumpers designed to absorb five-mile-per-hour impacts without damage. We need relational bumpers too—the ability to absorb minor bumps without creating demolition derby gatherings.
Third, deny the possibility of drama. Make up your mind that you won't entertain yourself by throwing verbal waste at people you love. This requires both grace and boundaries. Sometimes it means having difficult conversations. Sometimes it means extending forgiveness for the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in us.
Fourth, make intentional choices about relationships. This involves caring for your most significant relationships through quality time, quantity of time, and frequency. It means coming back to broken relationships when possible, living peaceably as much as it depends on you. Sometimes it requires cutting off harmful relationships that consistently pull you down. And it always involves creating opportunities for meaningful connections, because we're not called to do life alone.
Moving Forward
Perhaps you're reading this while anticipating gatherings over the next several weeks with some trepidation. Maybe there's a broken relationship you don't know how to repair. Perhaps you feel isolated, bruised by past relational wounds, or trapped in a cycle of toxic interactions.
The journey toward healthy relationships starts with prayer. It starts with calling on the Lord, just as Abraham did. God can do in moments what we've been trying to accomplish for years.
You might be dealing with a distant child, a strained marriage, or a severed friendship. Maybe you've tried to fix it repeatedly without success. Don't give up. The 101st prayer might be the key when the first hundred seemed unanswered.
Gathering isn't optional, but you can learn to navigate relationships with grace, wisdom, and the peace that comes from walking closely with God. You don't have to stay in the monkey cage. There's a better way—a kingdom way—of doing relationships.
And it starts today.
Recent
Removing the Lid: How God's Power Flows Through His People There is something deeply human about avoiding confrontation. Most of us would rather sidestep conflict, keep the peace, and move through life with as little friction as possible. And yet, history is full of moments when someone had to step into the ring and say, "Enough is enough." Some of the most powerful things God has ever done began in the middle of a confrontation nobody wanted. The eighteenth chapter of 1 Kings captures one of those moments. The prophet Elijah stands against hundreds of false prophets, builds an altar, drenches it with twelve barrels of water, and calls on the one true God to answer by fire. What follows is one of the most dramatic displays of divine power in all of Scripture. But tucked inside that story are principles that speak directly to the life of every believer today — principles about what it looks like when God's power flows freely, and what it looks like when something is blocking it. Solidarity: The Power of Being Together The first thing Elijah does is call the people near. He gathers them around the altar. Then he takes twelve stones — one for each tribe of Israel — and rebuilds what had been broken and scattered. The image is striking. A divided, fragmented people are being called back into unity under one name. Jesus prayed for this very thing in John 17, asking that his followers would be one, just as he and the Father are one. Psalm 133 describes unity among believers as something precious and beautiful, like oil flowing down, like refreshing dew — and it declares that in that place of unity, God commands his blessing. Acts 2 shows us what happens when a group of people gather not just in the same location but in one accord, with one shared focus: God shows up with power. Unity is not uniformity. It is not everyone looking the same, thinking the same, or coming from the same background. It is something far richer — people from different stories, different cultures, and different experiences choosing to stand together under the same banner, pursuing what God wants rather than what any individual wants. That kind of unity creates a current through which God's power flows. Division, isolation, and separation from one another break that current. Separation: Living Differently in the World Elijah digs a trench around the altar. It is a line of demarcation — a clear distinction between what is holy and what is not. The altar of God is not the same as the altar of a false god, and the trench makes that unmistakably visible. James 4 makes clear that friendship with the world places a person at odds with God. Peter writes that believers have been brought out of darkness and into marvelous light. The call is not to religious perfectionism or legalism — the kind of controlling, manipulative spirit that adds burdens and demands conformity. The call is to a genuine, internal transformation that produces a life that looks different from the surrounding culture. When someone truly encounters Jesus, something changes. Not because of rules imposed from the outside, but because of a work done on the inside. The trench Elijah dug was not meant to keep people out — it was meant to make the distinction clear. There is a difference between worshiping the living God and chasing after things that cannot speak, cannot act, and cannot save. Sacrifice: The Foundation of Everything Every sacrifice in the Old Testament points forward to Jesus. He is both the lamb offered and the priest doing the offering. Without the shedding of blood, Scripture tells us in Hebrews 9, there is no forgiveness of sin. But because Jesus shed his blood on the cross, everything changes. Revelation 12:11 describes believers overcoming the enemy by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony. John 12:31 speaks of the ruler of this world being cast out through what Jesus accomplished. The cross is not just a historical event — it is the foundation of every believer's authority, identity, and hope. There is power in the blood of Jesus, and that power is available to every person who places their trust in him. Supernatural: Expecting What Only God Can Do Pouring water on wood before expecting fire is not logical. It is not strategic. By every natural measure, it is counterproductive. But Elijah was not expecting natural fire. He was trusting in a supernatural God. Isaiah 44:3 uses water as a picture of the Holy Spirit, describing God pouring out his Spirit on thirsty ground. When a life is saturated with the presence of the Holy Spirit, it becomes an invitation for the fire of God to fall. The supernatural is not reserved for a distant era of biblical history. A changed life — someone rescued from addiction, bitterness, or despair — is already a supernatural act. God is a supernatural God who does supernatural things, and his people should expect and welcome that reality. Strength: The Power of Believing Prayer Elijah's prayer in 1 Kings 18 is not a prayer for personal recognition or denominational success. It is a prayer for God to receive glory. "Let it be known this day that you are God." That singular focus — God's glory above all else — is what believing prayer looks like at its core. There is a story of a woman who prayed for her husband's salvation for decades. He was absent, struggling with alcoholism, and seemingly unreachable. She prayed anyway. She testified that God would save him. And eventually, he did come to faith. His life was transformed. Her believing prayer, aligned with God's own desire that none should perish (2 Peter 3:9), outlasted every obstacle. God hears prayer. He answers prayer. His answer is not always yes, and sometimes the no is a mercy we only understand later. But the call is to keep praying, keep believing, and keep aligning our requests with what his Word has already promised. The lid that limits overflow is not always dramatic. Sometimes it is quiet — a drift toward isolation, a slow blending into the world, a prayer life that has grown cold. But the good news is that lids can be removed. Altars can be rebuilt. And when they are, God is ready to answer by fire.
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Breaking the Bottleneck: Experiencing the Overflow of God's PowerRemoving the Lid: How God's Power Flows Through His People There is something deeply human about avoiding confrontation. Most of us would rather sidestep conflict, keep the peace, and move through life with as little friction as possible. And yet, history is full of moments when someone had to step into the ring and say, "Enough is enough." Some of the most powerful things God has ever done began in the middle of a confrontation nobody wanted. The eighteenth chapter of 1 Kings captures one of those moments. The prophet Elijah stands against hundreds of false prophets, builds an altar, drenches it with twelve barrels of water, and calls on the one true God to answer by fire. What follows is one of the most dramatic displays of divine power in all of Scripture. But tucked inside that story are principles that speak directly to the life of every believer today — principles about what it looks like when God's power flows freely, and what it looks like when something is blocking it. Solidarity: The Power of Being Together The first thing Elijah does is call the people near. He gathers them around the altar. Then he takes twelve stones — one for each tribe of Israel — and rebuilds what had been broken and scattered. The image is striking. A divided, fragmented people are being called back into unity under one name. Jesus prayed for this very thing in John 17, asking that his followers would be one, just as he and the Father are one. Psalm 133 describes unity among believers as something precious and beautiful, like oil flowing down, like refreshing dew — and it declares that in that place of unity, God commands his blessing. Acts 2 shows us what happens when a group of people gather not just in the same location but in one accord, with one shared focus: God shows up with power. Unity is not uniformity. It is not everyone looking the same, thinking the same, or coming from the same background. It is something far richer — people from different stories, different cultures, and different experiences choosing to stand together under the same banner, pursuing what God wants rather than what any individual wants. That kind of unity creates a current through which God's power flows. Division, isolation, and separation from one another break that current. Separation: Living Differently in the World Elijah digs a trench around the altar. It is a line of demarcation — a clear distinction between what is holy and what is not. The altar of God is not the same as the altar of a false god, and the trench makes that unmistakably visible. James 4 makes clear that friendship with the world places a person at odds with God. Peter writes that believers have been brought out of darkness and into marvelous light. The call is not to religious perfectionism or legalism — the kind of controlling, manipulative spirit that adds burdens and demands conformity. The call is to a genuine, internal transformation that produces a life that looks different from the surrounding culture. When someone truly encounters Jesus, something changes. Not because of rules imposed from the outside, but because of a work done on the inside. The trench Elijah dug was not meant to keep people out — it was meant to make the distinction clear. There is a difference between worshiping the living God and chasing after things that cannot speak, cannot act, and cannot save. Sacrifice: The Foundation of Everything Every sacrifice in the Old Testament points forward to Jesus. He is both the lamb offered and the priest doing the offering. Without the shedding of blood, Scripture tells us in Hebrews 9, there is no forgiveness of sin. But because Jesus shed his blood on the cross, everything changes. Revelation 12:11 describes believers overcoming the enemy by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony. John 12:31 speaks of the ruler of this world being cast out through what Jesus accomplished. The cross is not just a historical event — it is the foundation of every believer's authority, identity, and hope. There is power in the blood of Jesus, and that power is available to every person who places their trust in him. Supernatural: Expecting What Only God Can Do Pouring water on wood before expecting fire is not logical. It is not strategic. By every natural measure, it is counterproductive. But Elijah was not expecting natural fire. He was trusting in a supernatural God. Isaiah 44:3 uses water as a picture of the Holy Spirit, describing God pouring out his Spirit on thirsty ground. When a life is saturated with the presence of the Holy Spirit, it becomes an invitation for the fire of God to fall. The supernatural is not reserved for a distant era of biblical history. A changed life — someone rescued from addiction, bitterness, or despair — is already a supernatural act. God is a supernatural God who does supernatural things, and his people should expect and welcome that reality. Strength: The Power of Believing Prayer Elijah's prayer in 1 Kings 18 is not a prayer for personal recognition or denominational success. It is a prayer for God to receive glory. "Let it be known this day that you are God." That singular focus — God's glory above all else — is what believing prayer looks like at its core. There is a story of a woman who prayed for her husband's salvation for decades. He was absent, struggling with alcoholism, and seemingly unreachable. She prayed anyway. She testified that God would save him. And eventually, he did come to faith. His life was transformed. Her believing prayer, aligned with God's own desire that none should perish (2 Peter 3:9), outlasted every obstacle. God hears prayer. He answers prayer. His answer is not always yes, and sometimes the no is a mercy we only understand later. But the call is to keep praying, keep believing, and keep aligning our requests with what his Word has already promised. The lid that limits overflow is not always dramatic. Sometimes it is quiet — a drift toward isolation, a slow blending into the world, a prayer life that has grown cold. But the good news is that lids can be removed. Altars can be rebuilt. And when they are, God is ready to answer by fire.
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